Well, that’s it. Might as well close up the shop and send all the PAs home, Hollywood has officially run out of ideas. Their newest plans for our entertainment: a movie about a half-assed Spider-Man villain and a sequel to a rapidly decaying series.
First up, “Venom.“. Hey guys! Let’s make a movie about a superhero’s nemesis! Of course we can’t use the superhero, and we’ll be using a different actor, but look! Super stuff! Hollywood, you idiot, this didn’t work with “Catwoman,” did it? For that matter, it didn’t work in the comics when they tried spinning Venom off into his own title, either. If you’re going to base movies on comics, at least pick good comics.
Then Mike Myers, traumatized by the national backlash to “The Love Guru,” is retreating back into the womblike safety of popping out another Austin Powers movie. Now, I liked the first one, and I liked some of the second one, and I freely admit I enjoyed the first 5 minutes and the last 5 minutes of “Austin Powers 3,” but the rest of it made me violently ill that such a monstrosity could be unleashed upon the public. So, following that progression, this one will probably have a very entertaining opening shot and a funny studio logo at the end of the credits, and that’s about it.
(Can there be a moratorium on comic actors who think that just putting on absurd appliances = funny? Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence, Mike Myers… get out of the damn makeup chair and just go be funny.
And tonight is your deadline for entering SaveHiatus.com’s San Diego Comic-Con contests, the one where you enter a code to win prints and hats and geek kits and such, and the one where you read Ven’s Twitterings to find out how to win swag from the con. The deadline is tonight at 8 p.m. PST, details on entering and what you can win are here, and I urge you NOT to enter because I’ve already made display cases for some of this stuff, so back off.